I know you’re forever 14 months old, but it’s what you would have been that constantly reminds me of the magnitude of our loss. From the very moment I realized you passed, the minutes, hours and days that passed were torture. My mind couldn’t comprehend it all. You were gone forever. I so badly wanted to just go back in time and hold onto you. Every minute that slipped away was distance between us. Not having any control was too much. I was so scared that you’d be forgotten and you would have just been a small moment in time, not having your chance to leave your imprint on the world. Desperately, my heart led me to do anything I could to remember you, and share you with others. As long as you were remembered, you were still here with me... with us. It was all I knew I could have and it became my mission to “Remember Zachary.” That is what we did, and what we will always do. Sharing you has brought so many unexpected gifts into my life.

2022.

Seventeen years later.

You would have turned 18 years old and graduated high school.

My little Meatball, you would have been a mini man ready to start your life.

I want you to know that you are loved and remembered. What is even more special, Meatball, is that a lot of people who love and remember you never had the opportunity to meet you. It makes me so proud to be your momma bear and I am so grateful for the beautiful people in our lives.

Since this year was such a big milestone year. I’ll admit that I was sad and jealous when I saw the prom pictures, college visits, graduations, and all the other big moments that come with being 18. However, I was quickly reminded that we weren’t alone. When my girls were celebrating their senior year and turning 18, they thought of you. They came to help me celebrate your 18th birthday, as they have done since you turned 12.

When it was time to hit the grad parties of my former students and watch them walk the halls in their cap and gown, you were remembered and celebrated too.

I received an incredible card and gift in the mail for us the other day. It was your very own 2022 tassel with an endearing message from a friend of yours in the class of 2022, and former kiddo of mine.