Remembering Zachary Project- December

Zach heart.jpg

The 10th month of the Remembering Zachary Project was very special.

The holidays are such a time of joy and family. Everyone decorates their home, thinks of the perfect gifts they can buy for their loved ones, and finds times in their busy days to do special things with their loved ones. As I’m sure all kids do, my kiddos just light up when it’s the holiday time. I love watching them smile and count down the days of December in anticipation of Christmas morning.

Although this time of year is filled with Joy it is also partly filled with sorrow.  I know I’m not alone in how I feel. I follow The Compassionate Friends Network on Facebook and I see a lot of quotes around Christmas time. I connect with all of them.

"When one person is missing, the whole world seems empty."

"You don’t go around grieving all the time, but the grief is still there and always will be."

"My heart is so tired."

What it boils down to is I can’t change my past. Nothing will ever bring Zachary back to me… to us. That was and sometimes still is the hardest part of my grieving. But I’ve learned to evolve. Zachary is always with me. I see his spirit and his love in the people around me who help me keep him with us. The greatest gift to be given is one that includes remembering him.

There were two very special projects this month that I’d like to share with you.

My sister in law, Karen had been thinking of something she and her family could do. I could tell that she wanted it to be perfect and unique. Over the summer she had a garage sale. She hung onto the money she made and she wanted to do something special with it for her Remembering Zachary Project. When she came up with the idea she sat on it and didn't want to share just yet. I loved knowing that we had something special to look forward to to Remember Zachary, but we didn't know what it was! Near the end of November she teased me a little bit. She texted me a few pictures and told me I would know all of the details soon. The picture she shared was a bunch of toys on her kitchen table. I had some guesses but I had no idea just how amazing it would be.

She told me that while she was at church she learned that there was an opportunity to adopt a kiddo for Christmas and buy them a gift. The kids were from families in need. Karen asked her pastor if he could pick out 10 boys for her. She decided to buy gifts for 10 boys in honor of Zachary's 10th birthday! She found out what the boys liked and then she and her children went shopping. They picked out lots of different gifts, wrapped them all and brought them to the church. How touching is that? The gift of love and remembrance being carried out in Zachary's honor.

Later in the month came my next gift.  I got a new ornament for my tree. I saw a sold out ornament of the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe. I had to have it! Bill went and scouted it out for me. Whenever I see a Cozy Coupe I think of Zachary. He used to love playing in the one from daycare and he didn't like to get out of it. :) I remember opening the door and he would close it again. I miss that little man. It's these memories that I hold onto. As more time is put between us the details of the days fade. I want to do what I can to hang onto the memories I have and not let them go. Each year as I decorate my tree I will smile and remember Zachary sitting in the Cozy Coupe.

Christmas morning came my next surprise. The kids had opened their presents and it was time for me to open mine. My husband had just gotten me a fun technology toy to edit my pictures. It was the perfect gift because I love taking pictures and editing them on the computer. We had just cleared off my desk and we were going to set it up when he gave me my last gift. It was a card. When I opened the card he had glued a piece of paper on it that said-! Bill got me my very own website. It is dedicated to the memory of Zachary and all of the wonderful things that have come about because of his sweet little life. I was so excited to receive it that I got to filling it up right away. It is a work in progress and I will continue to update it and improve on it. I'm currently in the process of pulling everything together and filling this page up. Bill has the skill of always knowing what to get me. He is so thoughtful. He gives me things that I didn't even know I wanted or needed! Now that I have this site I don't know how I lived without it before! I cannot wait to share my beautiful babies face with the world!

With two months to go, I can't wait to see what else happens! Zachary's 10th birthday celebration has been incredible and I have my wonderful friends and family to thank for that.

My mom is working on a song for Zachary, my mother-in-law has something up her sleeve and I look forward to finding out what it is! Three of my friends still have their Remembering Zachary Project in the works and I can't wait to follow up with them too. Next month is Marley's Mission's Blue Ribbon Gala and I will be presenting the Remembering Zachary Award to an amazing woman and I will be attending the baptism of my Godson, Kieran Padden Zachary Brown. This past year will be pretty hard to top.

As always, Zachary, I love you! I am so proud to be your mommy. Sending kisses to heaven.